Facebook Bans PDGA #74138, #77871, and #104223 For Being Named Alex Jones

Facebook

In their never-ending quest to rid the world of “fake news”, Facebook overlord Mark Zuckerberg has taken an unprecedented step against frolfers everywhere.

Using advanced algorithms and a team of, um, skilled fact checkers, Facebook has been actively pursuing the purge of conspiracy theorist Alex Jones for years.  After his recent Sandy Hook Elementary outbursts were deemed “hate speech” by the social platform, Jones was nearly simultaneously removed from Facebook, YouTube, Spotify, Apple Podcasts, and more.

In an effort to be certain that his mere presence is wiped off of the face of the internet, Facebook went a step further, suspending the accounts they suspect of belonging to Jones himself, based on information gleaned from the PDGA website.

The first was Alex Jones, PDGA #74138, a somewhat streaky golfer who saw major improvements to their game in May 2018.  This is, of course, months before his crusade took him back to the front lines of the battle for free speech.     For this Alex Jones, the days of cruising through the Nauvoo Open are over.

“I’m CRAZY bro.  I won’t tell you a fourth time.”

The second to feel the wrath of the Zuck-secutioner was Alex Jones, PDGA #77871, who you may remember from their photo finish with Zack Stone in the rarely seen Novice division at the June Classic; the Crazy Beaver 3 in world famous Rockford, Illinois.  Carrying a two stroke lead to victory in this context has not translated to this year’s Recreational division standings, as Jones is currently without a win in 2018.

And, of course, how could we forget Alex Jones #104223, The “Charlotte Charlatan” as they call him.  (Or maybe her).  This newcomer has taken the “pro route” in more than one way, with a short career of only 5 PDGA contests to draw from, but having played them in 3 different states.

Lord, he or she was born a ramblin’ person.

No word yet as to when Facebook will remove the erroneously spelled racial epithet attached to “Rick ‘Sour Kraut’ Hess #59662“.