Find Your Four Count

Way out there, in the fringed ends of some hippy’s waking dream is a vision of frequencies, vibrations, and oscillations powerful enough to create life.

Physicists are the only establishment clowns on a similar track, especially those who travel down the rabbit holes of string theory and quantum anything.  This is meta-science taking the place of our hokey and spiritual metaphysics, of which you can get a doctorate degree on the internet for less than $50.

[Author’s note:  I know from experience.]

These esteemed academians are looking at what makes up the stuff that makes up us.  It’s deep bro.

Now, seeing as everyone working on the problem seems to hit a hard wall somewhere around the frequencies thing, there is little reason to doubt that they’re not onto something.  These are the top minds in their fields.  Let’s hear them out.

So, let’s say, for the sake of this goddamned hippy argument, that our athletic performance can be affected by our vibration.  Do we pump ourselves up, or do we take ourselves to the introspective realm of personal, mechanical perfection?  Which is the most important for our performance?  Should we use more than one?  How do we accomplish this task?  Is this going to fuck with my blood pressure?

The answer is:  It shouldn’t matter.  Let me repeat that:

“It shouldn’t fucking matter.” -me

Do you know why?  Because you don’t need to go up and/or down while you’re trying to fuck over the gods of physics in order to bring home some plastic from the “sport” that you lie to your significant other about how much money you spend on.

You need to concentrate.  What you need is your “four count”.

Follow me here.

In the world of bartending, every bartender has a four count.  It’s the measure of one part of a recipe.  Literally, your bartender is counting to four in their head.

Well…The good ones aren’t counting.  They’ve evolved past that.  Their four count is more like the well greased moves of Keith Richards on the first notes of “Start Me Up” after 45 years.  It’s literally muscle memory.  I guarantee Keith is daydreaming of some proper shag he had in dreary ol’ London Town instead of what his ancient arms are achieving.

The four count is that effortless.  It’s ingrained.  It’s instinct after a while.  And every bartender’s is slightly different.  It’s a rhythmic and fluid pour more than it is the switching on and off of a faucet.  It’s almost sensual.

These guys and gals of the service industry could do a 4 count in their sleep, but instead they choose to do it in front of screaming 19 year olds with bad fake I.D.’s in a basement bar that has “sick bocce courts, bruh”.

They are performing a single, important movement repeatedly, and their ability to remain consistent affects the amount of success that they achieve.

Starting to sound familiar?

What your game might need is your four count.  You may just need to find a rhythm you haven’t explored before.

Remember the first time you stepped up to the tee with someone who was far more experienced than you watching?  Remember that fear and anxiety?  The pressure to look cool?

You can’t let looking cool stop you from winning shit.


No one who is winning is getting laughed at, and no one getting laughed at is winning.  (Except for Eagle McMahon.  Bro.  Those pants).

Eagle McMahon
Dude’s trying to catch a LuLuLemon sponsorship.

So, go find a field where none of your homies are going to clown you, and work backward from “the hit”, deconstructing the position of your body in every stage, all the way to your last deep breath before initiating the ritual.

I find that calling my driving and putting forms “the ritual” gives me confidence. It’s creepy and confusing and my card mates usually keep to themselves after I say that.

Figure it out, look goofy doing it, and try stupid stuff.  Trust me, you’re going to learn something.