Dem Disc Golfer Has Change of Heart After Stepping in Fowl Feces

Locals

As our nation devolves into a political clusterf**k of epic proportions, even a well insulated community such as disc golf can find itself divided.

Ten years ago, no one would have believed that these are the things we would be Googling:  Are the Russians puppeteering the President?  Is Hillary Clinton a child sex trafficker?  Do Canadian Mounties really ride moose?

That last one is always followed by “what is the plural of moose“.

I promise that this isn’t a wallpaper pattern inspired by the L.L. Bean catalog.

Okay, so that last one is a bit absurd, especially given that locales with the longest disc golf seasons aren’t exactly being run over roughshod by wild herds of moose.

There’s the answer to that question.  The plural of moose is moose.

What we are receiving in abundance, however, are a filthy flock of loitering fowl known as Canadian Geese – at least according to Roy Herns, a disc golfer from the deep south who has to wade through their excrement 4 months out of the year.

“Y’all wud’na believe the amount of goose [poo-poo] I deal with just tryna bag some birdies!  And what in the hell are they feeding those birds up there anyway?!  Pralines?  Pinot Noir?  Poo-tine?  Whatever the hell they call ‘chili’ in Canada!”

Ah, the ol’ Saskatchewan Stew.  The Albert Aorta Blaster.  The Quebecois Cardiac Kaboom.

Obviously upset about the yearly invasion of the geese, Herns took the issue to Google.  What he found shook him to the core.

“These geese don’t even have no papers!  They is ILLEGAL!  Ain’t no one checking to see what these geese is bringing into ‘Merica.”

Not one to be defeated by a flock of foul-fecaled fowl from New Foundland, Herns has joined in with a number of local militias in calling for a wall not only on the southern border with Mexico, but also a “really, really big net” at the crossing into Canada.

“You know, like you see at them driving ranges” pontificated Herns.

Herns is currently serving a 10 day stint in the local lockup.

The activist was forcibly removed from a Town Council meeting while attempting to start a “BUILD.  THE.  NET” chant during an obituary for the Mayor’s teenage daughter.