For decades, the members of PETA have been traveling around the world, unflinchingly harassing people about their diet and wardrobe choices.
Even the slightest perceived infringement on the rights of animals is enough to send this cult-like cabal into action, and any number of backyard barbecues have been ruined by the incessant whining of the organizations’ members.
Of course, given their blind rage and unflinching fervor, mistakes do happen when it comes to PETA’s planned actions, and just such an incident occurred this week as the annual Beaver State Fling got under way in Oregon.
The annual PDGA A-Tier has been a favorite of both athletes and fans for years, drawing massive galleries to Milo McIver Park on a regular basis. The addition of some confused PETA operatives made for an interesting morning of practice.
“We came here today to save the beavers from this cruel and harmful practice of flinging” said Moonflower Johnson, a bespectacled young man who was seen dotingly carrying his girlfriend’s protest signs as she adjusted the fake beaver blood on her overalls.
The signs, which Johnson was more than happy to show us, read “Beaver Flingers Be ‘Dammed'” and “Let’s Sing Not Fling”, with Moonflower explaining that the latter is part of a campaign in which the protestors planned to stage a “sing-in” on the 18th teepad to halt the cruel practice of flinging beavers for distance.
It didn’t take long for the protesters to realize they had made a terrible mistake, but Johnson’s “spiritual life parter” Honeysuckle Starfern was adamant that this was all a ruse.
“Their frisbees are just warm up tools, man. As soon as we leave, they’re going to start flinging those beavers…I just know it” claimed Starfern, who’s beaver-blood overalls caught the attention of fashion-forward frolfer Eagle McMahon.
“Siiiiiick”, testified McMahon while himself donning these:
Once the PETA protesters finally accepted that they’d been mistaken, Johnson was the first to lift the group’s spirits, suggesting that they head over to Hitchin’ Post Pizza in downtown Estacada and explain to them how cruel the treatment of horses was in the Wild West.
“I just hope they have vegan cheese” murmured Starfern between exaggerated sighs.