POTUS Creates “Space Force” To Protect Us From Lizotte Spike Hyzer

simon lizotte

In the mainstream media on Monday, pundits were abuzz with a new “phrase of the day”:  Space Force.

Space Force is the name given to the coming military branch ordered into existence by U.S. President Donald Trump this afternoon in a press conference that had television comedy writers salivating.

Almost immediately, UFOlogists and conspiracy theorists began speculating as to what could have caused such a sudden declaration by the republican President.

While many believed it was simply to distract from the Trump administration’s immigrant child Auschwitz facsimiles dominating the 24 hour news cycle, those of us who remember the X Files had another thought entirely.

Given the Department of Defense’s recent admission of several UFO incident involving the U.S. military, grown men living in their parents’ basements everywhere were utterly convinced that extraterrestrials were to blame.

Pressed for an answer, softball stereotype and White House Press Secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders suggested that some very “specific threats” had been identified coming from Germany…not Mars.

Hours later, Happy Hour Disc Golf was contacted by an anonymous source within the White House who explained these concerns further:

“Barron Trump fell asleep with YouTube running at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue last week and the President walked in to see Simon Lizotte teeing off during the 2017 Beaver State Fling.  What the Commander in Chief saw shook him to the core”, said that source.

According to our anonymous friend, the President muttered something about “those damn Nazis and their flying machines!”, before storming of for a third helping of ice cream and another rerun of All In The Family.

“The next day, the Space Force was born”, the informant told us.